


Losing and Gaining

by Zen_monk



Category: Final Fantasy IV
Genre: Courtship, Dancing, F/M, Family, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-06
Updated: 2013-08-24
Packaged: 2017-12-10 15:13:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/787460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zen_monk/pseuds/Zen_monk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I think they parsed down the coronation just so people can get on with the wedding. Cake is better than crown, as far as I’m concerned.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shiny_glor_chan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiny_glor_chan/gifts).



The wedding banquet was heading into a lull, and at any other night the moons would be high in the sky to signify the deepness of the night. But the world now has to make do with one, just like how everyone has to make do with things they’ve lost and gained.

****

Rydia had felt that she was able to put behind what she had lost, that she was ready to build back and give back because now she has her new family to support her and give her unrestrained strength. The subtle shifting of Titan as she crossed the land, the lulling of Leviathan’s waters as it carries off Fabulian and Troian ships into Baron’s harbors, and of course the gentle mist that enshrouded her hometown like when mother would hold her in her evening gown. The empathic relationship between her and the Eidolons who lend her their power and force invoke life and sensations from the tips of her hair and all the way to the points of her fingers. The garlands of flowers the decorate the arches and battlements of Baron Castle seem more vivid and more lively; the cloying smells of baking and roasting in the communal ovens nearly overwhelmed her as well as the heat that permeate the streets from furnaces that never seem to stop burning; and at night, musicians practice their refrains on woodwinds and pluck their stringed instruments until all the lights in the village would darken one by one.

****

As much as the pleasant sensations were a wonder to her, it made the grimmer parts of reality all the more ashen and shadowed. Before arriving in Baron, Rydia stopped by Mist and while the encouraging presence of mother’s dragon thrummed beneath her fingertips and the toes, her heart couldn’t help but feel shaken and trepidation nearly made her feet tremble in her boots as she neared her village. In her mind’s eye, she could see the remnants of buildings like blackened trees that swayed in dark nights with nary a leaf to shake in the wind. She remembered the taste of ashes in the wind, coating her tongue and drying her throat, and how the smoke made her lightheaded and burned her cheeks and shoulders.

****

But she arrived at the village to see people working with their lumber and moving stones to make walls, and tears threatened to spill when she saw familiar faces picking through the ruins of homes but while sorrow-filled they still worked and took inventory over what they found and who it belongs to. Almost as though she were sleepwalking, she approached the center of town where Old Man Cygnus, whom she thought had been crushed inside his home, was seated at a table place on freshly grown grass writing and stamping over parchments. Her heart was in her throat when he looked up and stared blankly at her for a moment, and then recognition lit up his eyes as his expression crumpled.

****

Rydia breathed in deeply the night air. She tucked away those thoughts for later. Now was the time for happier memories. It was Cecil and Rosa’s wedding, after all, and after the frantic moment of rebuilding and restructuring and re-electing leadership after they descended from the moon back to the earth and its familiar blueness of sea and sky, the celebration felt like... a culmination. Like reaching a plateau of strength and growth. Like reaching the end of a destination and having people there saying “yes, you did it. Welcome back!”

****

She arrived from the Feymarch with the representatives of the Dwarven Kingdom. Awaiting at the surface was the Falcon, aboard were Edge and the Mysidian elders alongside Palom and Porom. When they arrived at Baron, the town and the castle awashed in the feelings of joy and full of celebration, it was like all the bad things were behind them and that the new life had begun.

****

They were greeted by Cid in the hangar, and then by Cecil and Rosa, fellow hero and heroine of the world whom both were then subjected to the merciless teasing by Edge and Palom. In the days that followed the coronation and wedding was a whirlwind of food tasting, castle decorating, flower arranging, and lace making. Rydia barely saw more of Cecil but did what she could in assisting Rosa though eventually the frazzled bride was passed into the hands of the ladies-in-waiting who seem to delegate much of the celebrations themselves rather than the soon-to-be wedded. Far from being left in the lurch, Rydia wandered away from the frantic preparations and busied herself with the black mages laboratory, following the whispers of Odin’s lingering spirit in the halls, and whoever was left as appointed castle and town guide who felt tasked to making sure she knew the history of the walled gardens of Baron castle or the long tradition of Baronese cheese.

****

And it was in this very walled garden near the banquet hall where the reception is taking place that Rydia wandered herself away into, past the delicate window doors with its frames like curling vines so she could slip out of her ballroom slippers and dig her toes into the fine grass and soil that grew real curling vines that wrap themselves up the marble columns, like how Rosa danced with Cecil on the slippery floor. Some days previous, Rosa was practicing the dance with her ladies-in-waiting within her private chambers, and invited Rydia and Porom and the Dwarven princess Luca to participate as well. As Rosa practiced her measured footwork and how to keep her shoulders straight and not slouched thank you very much our young queen, Rydia remembered the festival dances in Mist when Mother had danced with father in the square and how both danced with everyone around and around with skirts swirling and hands clapping and knee slapping. She remembered the jaunty fiddler and the bellows of the accordion keeping in time with the music, and then the memories of those musicians melt into the wild woodwinds of the Feymarch and how good queen Asura and noble Leviathan taught her the sacred dances that meld the hearts of summoners in time with the hearts of their summoned so they all have the same rhythm.

****

So she danced with Rosa to learn the Baronese waltz so she could keep in time with her friends here, and the way she danced with her, all in fluttery white and the jingling of her necklace and jewelry, made her recall back to the formality of the Feymarch and back to when Mist was whole and all to themselves sequestered in the mountains.

It felt like nothing would ever disturb them all from dancing and learning one another.

****

She must have left the window doors open, for the plangent music of the string quartet inside seemed to float through the night air and weaved through the colonnades. She didn’t mind it, though. She was content to continue toeing along the grass and how even with only one moon the water fountains and the lilies glimmered well under its solitary night.

****

“It’s a good day for weddings and a nice night for romping, huh?” drawled a voice.

****

She didn’t need to turn around to know that Edge had, as per living up to his moniker, edged himself through the frail doors and stepped silently into the garden.

****

“Taking a break from filling out dance cards?” she asked.

****

“I think I ran out of ink in my fountain pen halfway through,” he joked. He sniffed loudly and stepped forward to stand next to her. Rydia cast a sidelong glance and did a double take.

****

“Well, Edge, your face looks redder than the moon we just lost.”

****

Edge hung his head down sheepishly, an easy grin on his face made easier by liquor. “Yeah well, there aren’t many chances to sample Baron’s ceremonial wine casks. Especially not when, well, more recent times. I don’t know if you remembered, but there were less things coming out of Baron that resembled luxury goods and more like aerial dog fighting.”

****

“Dogs fight in the air?” she asked.

****

“Not uh... not literally. It’s an expression for the um... shoot, I don’t think I ever thought of why it’s called like that. You gotta see it to know it, I guess.”

****

A moment of silence between them, and while she contented at the quite solidarity, his fidgeting was obvious before he even started to.

****

“You, uh... you doing all right?” he attempted to sound conversational.

****

She looked at him with some surprise. “Sure. I’m having a lot of fun. It’s not often that I get to be in a royal wedding.”

****

Edge crossed his arms and scoffed. “I think they parsed down the coronation just so people can get on with the wedding. Cake is better than crown, as far as I’m concerned.”

****

“Yours lasted longer because you made the seneschal so upset he actually fainted.”

****

“He did not! He just felllll down like a fainting goat and he complained the entire time we tried to carry him to the reclining couch. You were right there with Rosa, I ‘member.”

****

“It was still a good ceremony, Edge,” Rydia said softly.

****

Edge became thoughtful for a moment before muttering “Thank you.”

****

Rydia knelt down at a flowerbed of bluebells and said, “I came out here to take a break and think for a bit.”

****

“Of Baronese cheese?”

****

“Oh, you had him too?”

****

“I was expecting sample plates from that tour guide. I am still disappointed.”

****

Rydia stroked a very round bluebell with the tip of her finger, as if she were to ring actual bells like in the clock towers and chapels around the castle and the town. “This was my first wedding. It made me remember my mother.”

****

“Oh.”

****

For a moment, Rydia thought that he would make an excuse to leave, since the fellow seemed allergic to anything too serious unless it meant him taking up arms against it. But he knelt down next to her and asked, “About what?”

****

She looked at his face, still pink at the cheeks, and considered. The usual mirth in his grey eyes became somber, looking down his straight nose and full lips that made a thin line and seemed lost in the flowers. His ceremonial robes allow for greater accessorizing that included the many folds of robes in grey, silver and light blue colors, and a face revealed without the covering of a cowl, and he left behind his long cape somewhere in the castle.

****

“I remember my mother saying that for weddings,” she began slowly, “depending on the situation, you would gain or lose a part of your family. Because the people getting wedded would either expand the family or try to strike out on their own. Sometimes you lost a son, and sometimes you lose a daughter.”

****

Edge ran his hand through his hair, disturbing coiffed locks that looked already disturbed by hands going through it. “If you ask me, this wedding looks more like... both? No one’s losing anyone’s family here, and it’d be a new royal family starting up.”

****

Rydia looked up from the flowerbed and up at the sky. Edge followed suit.

****

“Really? It just feels like how there’s only one moon now, to me. Even though everyone’s working hard for a better future, it’s like we can’t get back to what it was before.”

****

Edge sighed through his nose and asked, “Like losing a brother?”

****

“I thought it was enough for Cecil to acknowledge Golbez as such. As though they’re still keeping a relationship even though they’re far apart.”

****

“Kain’s not here, though.”

****

“So you noticed.”

****

Kain Highwind was there when the preparations were underway. He kept close by Cecil’s side to assist in what was assumed to be either governmental or civil matters; though, it could also be that he was assisting the wedding, too. He seemed considerate enough when the florists asked for his opinion. But just as how his presence by Cecil’s side was as natural as the two moons up in the sky, his lack of presence at the ceremony was noticed but somehow still accepted by all, just like the sky coping with only one satellite orbiting around the planet.

****

Edge straightened up to say loudly, “I don’t know what that guy is oooon-” and then was overbalanced in standing up that Rydia reach out a hand to take hold of his to steady him. “Thanks. But yeah, I dunno what that damn dragonkin is on about, but I can’t believe he would miss a shindig that he helped planned with to do... whatever it is that he felt was more important.”

****

Rydia stood up and brushed off dirt from her dress. “Things don’t get washed away so easily.”

****

“He helped to save everyone, so as far as I’m concerned everything is squared away.”

“You’re unusually forgiving.”

****

“I made sure he didn’t get away with nothing. We ninjas, we point out the truth, not hide them with kindness and friendship. You’re just delaying the wart-lancing.”

****

“More’s the pity, since Kain is a lancer.”

****

“And the little wart is gone! How’s that fair?!”

****

Rydia just looked at him incredulously, all indignant and frustrated, and started laughing. He was startled at the great peals of mirth coming out of her and into the late night air.

****

“W-What?”

****

“Edge! That makes no sense! You’re just talking around in circles now!”

****

Edge sputtered. “It-It so does make sense! Just don’t think about it so hard! It’s called wordplay. Wordplay! We’re masters of the silver tongue here!”

****

“I think yours have been tarnished!” she choked out.

****

Edge sighed heavily, feeling beaten.

****

Rydia grabbed his hands and gave him a cheeky grin. “Hey. Let’s dance.”

****

She would have paid a lot of gil just to see Edge make that dumb expression again. “What. Here?”

****

“I don’t really feel like wearing the shoes again, so yes. Here. Rosa’s been teaching me the Baronese waltz. I only tried it once with Cecil on the floor and that was it for me.”

****

“Oh, but, uh.... the, the music is all wrong! It’s just Edward doing something on his lute, now.”

****

“What, you don’t want to dance?”

****

“I do!” Edge gulped suddenly, and his cheeks seem to grow even redder. “I mean... the beat is wrong here. It’ll just feel weird.”

****

“If you don’t know how to dance, then I’ll teach you.”

****

So she grabbed his right hand and placed it on her hip, her left on his shoulder, and led him away on the grass and into the garden. Edward’s lute played a slow narrative and so for both of their sakes she made it a slow dance.

****

“Wait, Rydia, hold on! I-I can lead! Ow, my foot...”

****

“Sorry!”

**  
“I’m wearing shoes, how’d you get it to hurt...?”**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Promises were made, and some were kept.

The party wrapped up neatly and while there are malingerers at the banquet table snacking on cheese and wine, Rydia found herself lugging Edge up to his door where he made a great show at being unstable at his feet.

 

“I think you’re pretending to be drunk,” she remarked.

 

“Noooo...?” he slurred as she pushed the door open.

 

“Well, the bed is here, so ally-oop!” and she promptly tossed him down to the mattress.

 

“Ack! Wrong landing. Urp!” He covered his mouth with his hand and Rydia quickly looked away from what seemed to be an impending mess. “Nope. False alarm.”

 

“Good.” But he grabbed her hand before she could get up sitting on the mattress next to Edge.

 

“Rydia.”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“...You’re a good dancer.”

 

She quirked a smile. “Thanks, Edge.”

 

He opened his mouth as if to say something more, but closed it, instead looking at Rydia curiously. She found herself self-conscious in his scrutiny.

 

“...What is it?” she asked at last, and for some reason her voice was hushed. He didn’t let go of her hand, either.

 

Edge sighed through his nose, looking unusually somber and sad, and Rydia had the sudden thought that maybe Edge is one of those sad drinkers who would let loose their sadness as freely as the wine they poured into their mouths. She must have made a face because he looked away for a moment, abashed, and said, “It’s… unlucky to feel uncertain at a wedding.”

 

She blinked, and looked at him silently for a moment before saying, “Isn’t that something you should say to a bride and not to guests?”

 

“Some guests feel they should excuse themselves from a wedding if they feel uncertain enough, though. Like Kain.”

 

“Weren’t you complaining about how he’s not there to enjoy the celebration?”

 

“Yeah, and that’s because he made both Cecil and Rosa worried, so that’s double unlucky.”

 

“Doubly, you mean. Doubly unlucky.”

 

“What are you, my tutor?” he said petulantly.

 

“Is this the part where you say that the only way to reverse the luck is to do something positive, like flirting?” asked Rydia, wry.

 

To Edge’s credit, he made a face that confirmed her words, a grimace that spoke of a truth hit home rather than dismay.

 

She quirked a smile, finding the pout on his mouth too comical to berate him. “You really should have kept your mask on. You show your emotions too easily without it.”

Edge made an effort to sit up on his pillows, as luxuriant and neatly embroidered that reflect much of Baron decadence than just simple castle life. “I think… you do, too. But really, I want to say that, that a lot of us still feel loss, and it just feels like we’re trying to get something back… this wedding.”

 

“So is that what you mean by ‘uncertainty,’ Edge?” She pulled her hand back from Edge, and she folded her hands on her lap, looking down thoughtfully. “Can’t help but feel like there’s an empty space where something should have been. Someone’s place when standing in line. A town’s silhouette…”

 

“...people that were supposed to be there at your coronation,” added Edge, and there was a hollow sound to his voice. She looked back at him and saw that his eyes were far away. They came back readily enough when he met her gaze.

 

“And a moon that’s supposed to have your father’s brother there but it drifts away like a bottle in the ocean.”

 

And that was true, wasn’t it? The moment the second moon went away from orbit, where it can only be tracked by the astronomers as it go further and further in distance, there was a kind of echoing wailing deep in the ground below. The deep bellowing reverberated through the ocean floor, across the bays of ships and in the gleaming night over waters where only one moon shine a baleful gaze. And it was in her mind’s eye, the part where it connects the seat of her soul with the calls of the eidolons and beasts that roam the lands, that she felt Leviathan’s pain and loneliness.

 

Edge reached out to her, to place his hand over both of her own, and she could feel his warmth seeping atop her skin. She wondered if he was so hot-blooded that he is actually warm, or if that was still the drink making its course through his body.

 

“Next time you see me, I’ll be a great king,” he said suddenly. “I’ll do everything my parents were going to do. I’ll work with Cecil and with Edward and with Yang, and that’ll really happen because we kept the Falcon and our ships are going to be better. I… We are going to make sure that we won’t hurt our own people in our kingdoms.”

 

“Well, I certainly hope so.”

 

“I’m serious, Rydia.”

 

“Don’t worry, I believe you.”

 

Mollified, Edge fell back down onto his pillow, his gaze looking up at the top of the four-poster bed. He looked back at her with just his eyes and said, “Sorry for, um, rambling I guess. Don’t know really what I was trying to say. Just that… I thought there was something up when you were walking out into the gardens.”

Rydia gave a light snort through her nose. “Well, you hit the nail right on the head.”

 

“More like stepped all over my toes,” he said ruefully.

 

“Now you’re rambling.”

 

“And you were so kind to lend me your shoulder up those gods-awful stairs to my chambers. Do I get a kiss good night, mother dear?”

 

Edge was expecting a frustrated huff from Rydia, maybe even a smack or two of varying intensity. He even thought she would walk out on him right then and there. What he hadn’t expected, and Rydia knows he doesn’t expect her to just scoot up closer to him so that she’s looking down at him where he is on the pillow, looking vulnerable and with eyes that were droopy from drink now alert in curiosity of her. He didn’t look away when Rydia was bending her head down, and she wasn’t sure if his eyes were still open in confusion when she closed her own eyes as she placed her lips on his for a soft kiss. But he reacted anyway by the way he had his hand up from the covers, hovering, as though taking second guesses on what to do with her nearby. He kissed back, though, just when she pulled away with a soft sound separating them.

 

“...I’m not your mother,” was the first thing she said.

 

“...Right.”

 

Rydia lowered her eyes, feeling very shy suddenly even though she probably should have felt shy when she was bending down to give a kiss. “...I thought this was a good time to give a kiss. To see what it was like, y’know, between someone not with family.”

 

Edge looked dumbfounded. The blankness in his expression gave Rydia the impression to leave it at that, and so she rose up from the bed.

 

“Well, good ni-”

 

“Uh, wait!”

 

Edge pulled himself out of reverie to quickly grab Rydia’s hand before she could walk away from the bed. Rydia was momentarily amazed at his quick reflexes, which she thought would be dulled from drinking, and said, “What is it? Feeling unwell?”

Edge kept his eyes on Rydia, wide-eyed and awake. It was like he was searching for an answer for her, and she could see the drunken cogs turning in his head.

 

“Rydia… I, well…”

 

Without the mask hiding the lower part of his face, she could just how flustered he was in trying to form whole sentences, looking completely foolish in comparison to his usual suave persona. She almost wanted to laugh if he didn’t look so urgent in his pleading.

 

“L-Let me kiss you good night, too!” he blurted out. His face then froze in regret.

 

Rydia looked at him with lowered eyes, and he quailed under her gaze. He let go of her hand in response.

 

“Er… sorry, that was asking too much,” he said sheepishly.

 

Rydia gave a shrug and a knowing smile. “Maybe next time, when you’re not inebriated and clumsy.”

 

He perked up, and said hopefully, “Truly?”

 

“Hmm…” she turned aside from Edge, putting a finger on her chin as though really considering the offer. “I’ll think about it,” she said finally. “But like you said: I’m looking forward to seeing you become a splendid king.”

 

Edge collapsed on the bed and close his eyes. A lopsided grin formed in his mouth and she thought that it was one of unrestrained happiness; it’s a good look on him.

 

“You got it, Rydia,” he sighed out.

 

Rydia crossed the room to the doorway. As she opened it, Edge called out to her from behind.

 

“So… See you at breakfast?”

 

She turned back and said, with some hesitation, “...Yeah. See you in the morning.”

  
And she stepped outside his room and closed the door. She leaned against it, thinking and considering, and she thought it would be a nice night to go out to the pier to listen to the ocean waves beneath the moon.


End file.
